Among the various candles, furs and other romantic accoutrements that can be found in the typical Manther den is the Love Rug.  Available in Jaguar, Linx and Mink patterns, the Love Rug combines the visual appeal of an animal fur rug with the latest in floor level love-making technology.  In addition, the Love Rug is fire resistant against both close proximity to fireplaces and the flames of furious Manther passion.

Even the most virile Manther occasionally needs to enlist the help of a secret weapon in order to keep up with the spry little Energizer bunnies with whom he keeps company. The Manther’s standing in the game of love is like Jose Canseco’s at the pinnacle of his baseball career.  And like Jose, it takes a little somethin’ somethin’ to keep swinging the bat harder than everybody else.

In fact, the use of herbal enhancement techniques dates back to 400 A.D., when an unknown Chinese farmer discovered a powerful and mysterious herb called “Yin Yang Huo”.  Not to be confused with the ebonics term “Ying Yang Ho” used to refer to women of Asian ethnicity.  Story has it that he noticed his goats doing some serious boning after chewing on the plant. 

He turned to one of his Mongolian slave boys and joked “I like have what Goat is having yes!”  Shortly after, he realized, maybe he could have some of what those goats were having.  He ran into his Yurt and quickly brewed a tea from the herb and passed it around to all the goat farmers.  Soon after, the relationship between this bunch of frenzied Chinese hornballs, stranded in the mountains far from any women, and their goats, changed forever.  And henceforth, the herb more commonly known as the “Horny Goat Weed”, was revered as one of the most valued tonics of Chinese herbalism.

“Under the influence of the licentious goat plant, Emperor Xiang unscrupulously frolicks with an androgynous chamber-maid.”

Well, Manther, there’s no need to journey to the misty jungles of central Asia in search of enhancement. Look no further than at your own distant feline relative, the Roaring Tiger. According to its extremely credible developer, pharmacist Dana Nelson, Roaring Tiger delivers “noticeable results” on first use.  By noticeable, he means your manhood will shred your underwear to ribbons as it flies into an uncontrollable  incredible hulk-style frenzy.  If this enthusiastic testimony from Roaring Tiger’s Dr. Ghaly doesn’t convince you that this is a panacea for all of your sexual inadequacies, we don’t know what will:

As you can see, anything but insane Roaring Tiger-fueled sexual orgies hold little interest for Dr. Ghaly anymore.  No time to pop a pill? Try one of their efficacious “Pre-Performance Wipes”. (Just hold your breath and pray that your date is too inebriated to notice you discretely wiping your manhood).

The Manther’s primeval hunting instinct is commonly misunderstood. Many make the reckless and cursory judgment that the Manther is simply a dirty old man. Such a shallow understanding of the Manther is an unfair impediment to properly understanding the great creature. What compels the Manther in his ceaseless prowl to capture and possess young women is something ultimately pure and noble. A fire that burns more brightly in him than in lesser men. A flame of enduring passion for the ideal female form. A futile drive to possess female beauty at its fleeting zenith. To behold the rarest orchid in full bloom.To capture the fragile firefly at its most brilliant. To ogle at boobs.

Nothing captures the spirit of this noble pursuit better than this musical work of inspired genius by Robert Lund “99 Words For Boobs”:

It’s sadly not featured, but our personal favorite is “Sweater Puppets”