by Wild Manther | October 29th, 2008
El Dia de los Muertos is once again upon us, my friends. On the eve of October 31st, throngs of naughty nurses, naughty schoolgirls, and naughty French maids will be beckoning the Manther from his lair, working him into a frothy frenzy of desire and testing his mettle like never before.
It is a little known fact that one of the most prominent symbols of Halloween, the jack ‘o lantern, is named after a Notable Irish Manther named “Stingy Jack”. As the lore is told, Stingy Jack was a greedy, gambling, hard-drinking old farmer. After a night of heavy drinking, Jack tricked the Devil into climbing up a tree and then trapped him by carving a crucifix into the tree trunk. In revenge, the devil placed a curse on Jack, condemning him to forever wander the earth at night with the only light he had: a candle inside of a hollowed turnip (Jack’s second favorite food, after rutabagas).
Stingy Jack post Devil-curse. Tragically, one more Manther lost to the Devil.
When it became painfully obvious that carving a turnip required the dexterity of a brain surgeon, the Pumpkin took its place (and rightfully so). Hence, our modern day Jack ‘o Lanterns.
Moving on to the matter at hand…..what should you be for Halloween? If you haven’t already answered that question let us offer some helpful suggestions:
1. Exotic Oriental Manther: 1/2 dragon, 1/2 panther, 100% man…the secret recipe for the sensual
and elusive Exotic Oriental Manther. With a snifter of brandy in one
hand, and deadly nunchucks in the other, the Exotic Orient Manther
makes all the ladies kowtow.
When relaxing in his Dojo he can often be seen wearing karate pants, embroidered silk robes,
and the occasional headband. His collection of weapons is an
intimidating yet stark contrast to the sensual touch of his satin
sheets – they are the Yin to his Yang.
If accessorizing is your thing, the Exotic Oriental Manther costume provides a plethora of items to choose from – nunchucks, headbands, swords, and jade trinkets, to name a few. For a full review of this species’ characteristics and wardrobe, please refer to our previous post: Exotic Oriental Manther
2. Wealthy European Manther: It’s sunset off the shores of St. Tropez and you’re enjoying a bubbly Kir Royale on the deck of your Yacht, the Adios Pantalones. What are you wearing? Well, there is only one viable option…..a Gauze Caftan.
This costume is not for the faint of heart (or for those living in
colder climates) as it brazenly embraces the Wealthy European Manther
style without a hint of inhibition. Feel the need to go deeper? Six vodka tonics later, you might want to pull the caftan over your head to reveal the ultimate symbol of European Manther style……a mankini.
Lucky for us, a Notable Manther advertising executive, whose identity we will not reveal at this time (the subject of a future post), has chosen to model this costume for us. For those of you still feel the need to accessorize this costume, despite the remarkable impact of its simplicity, consider carrying a photo of a yacht, wearing a gold Rolex, and/or wearing huaraches.
Keep this in mind if you choose to dress yourself as one of the many Manther varieties this Halloween: with great power comes great responsibility. Prepare yourself to sip the sweet, powerful Manther nectar for the first time. To others you may be wearing a disguise, but to that naughty Girl Scout sitting by herself at the bar you are a beacon of enigmatic virility.